1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
12. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
13. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
14. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
15. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
16. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
17. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.